Observations on the Passing Scene – 6.4.17

I do a lot of thinking about human behavior.

Many people say they love “people watching” for whatever reason, but I am more of a “people understanding” aficionado.

Why do people do what they do?

“What are my motives?” is the question that brings instant clarity to the condition of my heart when I am honest with myself or someone else.

What is the thought or emotion engine to the action undertaken?

With that being said, I have made some observations recently worth investigating further.

Run, Hide, Lie:

Have you ever been caught doing something wrong? (yes)

Have you ever caught someone doing something wrong? (certainly)

It occurred to me recently that humans will instinctively do one of three things when they are caught doing something wrong: run, hide, or lie. In time we may choose to confess or admit wrongdoing, but this is certainly not our instinct.

I think back to the story of Adam and Eve when sin entered the world. After committing the very first sin, they proceeded to run, hide, and lie.

They ran from the Lord and hid their shame

But the Lord God called to the man, “Where are you?” He answered, “I heard you in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked; so I hid.” Genesis 3:9-10

 and lied about their actions by blaming (as if the Lord didn’t already know, the irony there is rich).

And he said, “Who told you that you were naked? Have you eaten from the tree that I commanded you not to eat from?”

The man said, “The woman you put here with me—she gave me some fruit from the tree, and I ate it.” Genesis 3:11

We see this play out all of the time in our own lives, the lives of friends, the media, etc. How can we possibly deny the depravity of man and thus the existence of sin when such a universal instinct to run, hide, and lie is so clearly evident?

The Irony of American Liberty and Tolerance:

I just finished reading If You Can Keep It: The Forgotten Promise of American Liberty

And I am currently reading The End of Reason: A Response to the New Atheists

 These books are obviously very different. One addresses the idea of American Liberty and its importance to our history as a nation while the other is an attempt to refute modern atheist thought proposed by Sam Harris in his book The End of Faith.

 I recommend both, but something else really struck me as I was reading these books.

We take so much for granted without understanding the foundation or origin for the very things we take for granted. If you were raised in America, you breathe free air without even thinking about it. You have protected rights to do some things that would still get you killed in other countries (especially other countries in different eras). Rights enshrined in our governing documents. Rights that we just accept as fact. Some may call them unalienable rights (see Declaration of Independence).

You see, as Americans, we are fond of pointing to our rights. Raise your hand if you ever said “oh yeah, well it’s my right to do this!” when you were trying to defend some sort of action requiring justification by appealing to a law we would all recognize.

What is this law though? We appeal to this law as if it is just there without stopping to ask why it is there, where it came from, or whom it came from? Perhaps its Natural Law, given by a higher power. Maybe they are endowed by a Creator as Thomas Jefferson said (again, see Declaration of Independence)

Now here is where the irony comes in:

We live in a culture that routinely belittles Judeo Christian values, while simultaneously raising the banner of tolerance… all while not recognizing the very liberty they DO have and tolerance they speak of were SECURED by a government built on the radical concept of individual liberty.

A concept drawn directly from Judeo Christian values…

To me, this is the height of arrogance and an abuse of Liberty that is undermining the fabric of our nation. We need to recapture the radical idea that America was founded on: Liberty.

Uncertainty:

If “Nature abhors a vacuum”, then humans abhor uncertainty. Recently the idea of certainty vs uncertainty has come to mind. Media, conversations, personal reflection.

Even if the situation is certain to be bad, it is better than not knowing. How else do we explain the desire to know the status of a loved one who is lost in a tragic accident? We hear the refrain time and time again that people just wish they knew what happened to their loved one.

In my experience, things that were certainly bad were better than not knowing.

Yesterday was the 6 year anniversary of my Mom’s death. I was thinking about that time and when my mom was dying, the certainty of her death was horrible. But the uncertainty of the timing was agony as well.

Uncertainty is like walking in the dark without an end in sight.

We take shorter steps in the dark.

You probably use GPS when driving in an area you have never been before, and nobody goes sprinting through their house in the dark for fear of losing a toe on a piece of furniture.

So why do I mention this, what’s the point?

Well the point is, the only certain thing in life is uncertainty. You really don’t know what tomorrow holds.

You have to make peace with uncertainty, which is against your nature.  Yet, we all try.

Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see. Hebrews 11:1

We ALL cope with uncertainty through faith. I submit that we all place our faith in something. We all have a confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see. 

What explains this? Perhaps we were designed this way. Regardless of what you believe about the presence or absence of God, you have to contend with this reality.

I have made my decision. As a follower of Christ, I have placed my faith in Jesus.

Where are you placing your faith?

Mother’s Day, Magnolias, and the Final Stage of Grief Observed

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I have written a considerable amount on grief and loss over the last several years as a result of my Mom’s death in 2011. (Here and here for example)

This season has always been one of those painful reminders of the loss of my mother for three reasons. Magnolia’s, Mother’s Day, and the anniversary of her death. My Mom loved Magnolias and I used to pick them for her frequently. They are in full bloom this time of year. Mother’s Day was this week and of course that is a very “in your face” reminder that my mother is gone. Then June 3rd rolls around and the date just carries extra weight.

A strange thing happened this year though. It can only be described as the absence of the often dull but sometimes sharp pain of grief. In place of this emotion would be best described as acceptance. The final stage of grief (or so I have read).

Acceptance

Acceptance of death is a very interesting thing to experience. I think we all can intellectually accept death. To me this is better described as understanding. For example, I understand how planes fly but I would be a dangerous pilot. We all understand things, but I think experience makes acceptance mutually exclusive, especially in this situation.

For the past 6 years, I have sought to actively engage my grief and I believe it has been a very healthy effort. I would encourage you to do the same once you do experience loss or if you are currently dealing with it. Acceptance will come in time. And if it is anything like mine, it will surprise you.

Knowing Joy

In some ways, this acceptance has given birth to a new sort of joy. I experience joy by knowing what eternal life actually means. Joy through knowing just a tiny glimpse of what faith in Jesus Christ means. Joy through knowing my Mom walks healthy and free and I will see her again.  This knowing is like knowing someone as opposed to knowing about someone. This knowing is like knowing your closest friend. This knowing is like feeling the heat on your skin versus just hearing it’s 100 degrees outside.

With this knowing, you just feel it in your soul.

Viewing Life through Death

The acceptance of death informs my view of life. It shines a spotlight on my life and forces me to ask a very significant question:
Where or in Whom do I place my trust while living? Faith in Christ was made real in my Mom’s death, but what about in my life?

I read Psalm 25 this week and verse 1 exploded off the pages (amazing how that happens sometimes).

In you, Lord my God,
I put my trust.

This verse captures the answers to the question perfectly. And I think in this season, this season of acceptance, I now know a critical truth of faith in Christ.

I place my trust in the Lord for my death, and I place my trust in the Lord for my life.

And just like before, with this knowing, I feel it in my soul.

A Change of Direction

Greetings All-

It has been a while for me, and you may have noticed a few changes. Well, several changes. New layout, new blog host, new web address. The only thing that remains the same is the blog title.

But Seek First.

Based on Matthew 6:33 where Jesus says “But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.”

The reason for this change is simple- I wanted this blog to answer one central question.

What does it look like for me to seek His kingdom first?

My previous blog will still exist, but the focus of that blog will be different. I have not yet fully determined the direction I want to go with it, but that’s not important. This is important.

Some exciting changes are coming and I look forward to sharing them with you all. This website is a work in progress, but I hope to get all of the nuances sorted out soon. One significant change is that I will be creating this site with the help of some dear friends. We all have a passion for writing, and will offer different perspectives on the central question.

Thanks for stopping by.

– B

The Best of You

The Foo Fighters, a quality Alt Rock band from the 90s and 2000s had a song titled “Best of You”. In the song the artist asks “Is someone getting the best of you?”
Now, the context and content of the song is much different than what I will write about here, but I think this is a great question to ask. Is someone getting the best of you?
Better yet, is anyonegetting the best of you?
I don’t strictly mean this in the romantic relationship sense (although, as you will see, it applies there as well). I mean in the broader sense. In your everyday interactions, relationships big and small, are you giving your best to those around you?
Certainly we should strive for that, should we not?
The random people we see each day, they deserve our best. They deserve to be treated with respect, dignity, and engagement.
The people we work with, they deserve our best. They are relying on us for leadership, mentorship, or contributions to the team goal.
Our boss or bosses/ the organization we work for, they deserve our best. They pay us to do a job, and to do it well. They deserve commitment and our whole attention while we are on their payroll.
Our friends and loved ones, they deserve our best. They sacrifice for us, extend their hearts on our behalf and invest in our development.
The face you see in the mirror each day, He or She deserves your best. You owe it to yourself to apply your full effort each day in your relationships and your life in general.
And most importantly, Our Great God, He deserves our best. He created us and redeemed us to a whole new life. He expects our best and we will be held accountable one day in this matter.
SO,
Why do we accept mediocrity so often? Why do we give less than our best?
Consider the following excuses that I have used to justify my mediocrity:
·         I am too tired
·         I am distracted
·         I don’t really like that person
·         I’ll handle it tomorrow
·         I am having a bad day
·         This is not my responsibility
I am sure I could come up with more excuses that I have used or have heard from someone else. I am sure you could put together quite a list as well. However, I am a solutions oriented person, which leads me to  the following question-
How do we fix this?
How do we create an environment where we can devote our best each day, in life and relationships?
Big question indeed but here are some simple tips I have found useful in my own pursuit. 
1)     Stop Multitasking 
Listen, I know you think that you are a multitasking machine. The reality is, you are not. Multitasking is a myth and is increasingly rejected by the scientific and business communities. Don’t believe me? Search for yourself. Studies have shown that multitasking decreases focus, concentration, and creativity. What does this mean for us and our ability to give our best? Well, if you are distracted or trying to juggle several things then you can rarely devote your full self to any one objective. 
As for relationships, I will ask this question- Have you ever tried to have a serious conversation with someone addicted to their phone? 
Yeah, aint happenin. 
Now I love my phone as much as the next person, but I strongly urge you to be present as much as possible. I understand you have to communicate with people but consider this practice- Once you take your eyes away from the phone and that particular relationship, take a moment to refocus on the people you are with. Presence and engagement are critical. 
2)     Prepare
“By failing to prepare,  you are preparing to fail.”
–  Benjamin Franklin
“Give me six hours to chop down a tree and I will spend the first four sharpening the axe.”
– Abraham Lincoln
Do we ever give much thought to our day? We may have a plan, but do we prepare? You see, there is a difference. Allow me to give a simple illustration from my own life.
Each morning I know what I need to do- Wake up, eat breakfast, pack lunch, read, shower, get clothes on, go to work. See, this is a plan. 
A plan tells me what needs to be done.
Preparation would be if I did the following: Set a bowl and cereal box out for breakfast, left my reading book on the coffee table, picked my clothes for the next day, and set out some of the items I need for lunch. Preparation is about readiness, it is part of the execution.
So often we are limited by our lack of preparation. Rarely do we prepare to do our best. What would that even look like anyway? Well, we have to consider preparation as an idea much broader than the physical things. Consider mental, emotional, and spiritual preparation as well
.
 
3)      Today
Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
Matthew 6:33
“Make each day your masterpiece”
– John Wooden
“There are only two days in the year that nothing can be done. One is called yesterday, and the other is called tomorrow, so today is the right day to love, believe, do and mostly live.”
– Dalai Lama
This is a daily decision. Today is the only day you can influence directly. We waste our time worrying about the future and feeling guilty about the past. If you have a rough day, shake it off and don’t let it ruin the next day. 
4)      Shift Focus Upward and Outward 
Finally, and perhaps most importantly, we have to shift our focus. We must shift our focus off of ourselves, upward to Christ, and then outward to others.
Notice how all of my excuses started with I. It was all about me. Giving your best requires sacrifice.  You cannot give your best if you are selfish, its just not possible. Heck, you rarely give anything if you are selfish. 
This kind of commitment is exhausting, which is a good thing. If you are constantly pouring yourself out into meaningful endeavors (service, people, occupation, etc), then of course you are going to be exhausted!
In closing, I encourage you to evaluate your life, how you spend your time and energy. 
Be honest with yourself and ask the question: 
Have I given my best today?

His Promises

A short while back a dear friend asked me a couple of very challenging questions:
How did you trust God even when you knew your Mom may not live? How did you trust Him when what you were praying for and hoping for wasn’t happening?

I went back to that time and reflected on my experience: praying for healing and ultimately watching my Mom succumb to cancer. It was awful. Anyone who has experienced loss knows this. We hope and pray for physical healing and comfort, but so often it doesn’t happen.

So what was my response?  I trusted His promises.
You see, Jesus makes some pretty serious promises to us.
Consider the following:

Trouble and Triumph
In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.
John 16:33b
Eternal Presence
And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.
Matthew 28:20b
Destination
And if I go and prepare a place for you,
I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am.
John 14:3

Jesus promises that we will face troubles in this world. We will endure pain, hardship, and loss. However… in the midst of these trials, we will have His presence and the knowledge that He is preparing a place for us.

Don’t miss this though: it is not enough to trust His promises. We miss the point if we focus on the promises and hold them above the One delivering the promises. The truth is, I trust in His promises because I trust in Him.

So where does that leave us? I pray it brings you joy and peace, but not complacency. Our trust in Him and His promises needs to be made known to others.