and a season for every activity under the heavens:
a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,
a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,
a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.
Today is June 3rd.
For 22 years of my life, June 3rd was just another day.
Now, June 3rd carries the distinction of being the anniversary of my Mother’s passing.
And for the last year, every day has been viewed through the spectrum of her absence. The pain and sadness associated with her absence.
As I reflect on this day a year ago, all I can recall is how it happened so fast.
I woke up, my mom passed away, I went to sleep.
The weeks immediately following her passing were hectic and surreal. Life went on in many ways, but stood still in a sense. I wrestled with the emotions and tried to determine how healing would occur and what that would even look like. Time was an important component, but I knew that wouldn’t be enough. I would need to actively engage the hurt and allow emotions to run their course. I never set a timeframe for when I would be “healed”, I just figured I would know when the healing process had run its course.
Interestingly enough, healing came about through the most painful moments.
The last year was not measured in hours, days, or months. It was measured by first times without mom. It was measured by significant events where her absence was notable. Birthdays, Anniversaries, Graduation, Christmas, New Years, Mother’s Day, etc.
Each one of these events was painful, but therapeutic.
But before I share much more, I have to make an important statement.
This is not about me. I have been so selfish this last year. It is very easy to internalize things and make them about ourselves. Humans are very good at that. I have been very good at that. And for that, I apologize.
So here I am. A year later. A year older, but decades wiser it seems.
I can honestly say that I am well on my way to being whole again. And that’s not to say that my mom can be replaced, because we all know that she can’t. But it is to say that I am letting go of some of the things that I held onto this year. Some of the sadness and emptiness that I held onto up until this point.
If I could share any bit of wisdom that I have gathered from this experience, it would be that a right view of death profoundly influences life.
For Christians, death is viewed as a good thing. A great thing in fact. We get to see Jesus Christ and spend eternity in His presence. The impact that this has on life is nothing short of profound. In my case, it has freed me from the sadness associated with my Mom’s absence.
I am comforted by the knowledge that there is a time for everything. Thank you Lord for that.
P.S. Take a listen.. This song captures my perspective perfectly.
Heaven Song by Phil Wickham
Pingback: Mother’s Day, Magnolias, and the Final Stage of Grief Observed | But Seek First